We Attract Who We Are

This post was written by Judith Orloff for w2wlink.com. 

A basic dynamic of energy is that we attract who we are –the more positive energy we give off, the more positive connections we’ll magnetize to us. Ditto for negativity. It works like this: Love attracts love. Grumpiness attracts grumpiness. Passion attracts passion. Rage attracts rage. The explanation? This human form of ours is a subtle energy transmitter. We’re constantly sending out signals that others on similar frequencies pick up on and gravitate toward — an instinctual call we may not be aware of. Why opportunities do or don’t show up in our lives is a function of this.

How can we harness this intriguing alchemy to bring yearned-for positive connections to us? The crux is to strive to energetically embody what we want to attract. For starters, take a look at where you are now. This entails nailing down parameters for what being positive does and doesn’t mean in terms of attitude and behavior. Once you’re definitive about this, you can strengthen these traits in yourself and attract the same. Don’t worry if you’re far from a positive place now.

It’s an evolution. Give thought to what you value most in yourself or others. Keep a running list in your journal. Here’s the essence of how I see it.

Positive persons are:

  • Committed to developing compassion towards themselves and others, and having an open heart
  • Courageous about following their dreams
  • Those who seek to be authentic and believe in themselves, even when externals are crumbling
  • Aware of their darkside and trying to heal it
  • Willing to learn from mistakes

Positive persons aren’t:

  • Perfect, phony or positive all the time
  • Beating themselves to a pulp over shortcomings or a black hole of pessimism
  • Constantly mired in fear or tolerant of letting their hearts harden
  • Squeaky clean do-gooders who neglect their own well-being.
  • Saccharine pleasers who ignore their darkside and unconsciously act it out at the expense of others.

Never forget: we’re talking about real human beings with pluses and minuses. What sets positive people apart, though, is a determination to do their best and not succumb to what’s negative in themselves or externals. Where some…go wrong is holding idealized expectations, not grasping that everyone–including themselves!–has irritating/challenging/disappointing aspects. Earth to humans: we’re inhabiting the material planet with all its foibles. Even so, you can legitimately hope to personify and attract others fighting their way out of the muck with an open heart and sense of humor. These are my heroes and friends. In contrast, someone “too-perfect” feels like fingernails on the blackboard to me. You don’t want to be anything like those always-smiling, aiming-to-please, women-robots in the horror flick, “The Stepford Wives.” These are the evil twins of the positive person I’m portraying.

This law of attraction will make doors open. The root truth is that quality of connections, not quantity counts. Understanding this demands that we see beyond our culture’s obsession with popularity. I appreciate how inbred the desire may be. High school can be hell for anyone “unpopular.” I, for one, felt so agonizingly out of it; the “cool” kids hung on the “upper patio” while I snuck cigarettes behind the auditorium with my scraggly hippie friends. Thankfully, as an adult, I realized that popularity is a mixed bag that doesn’t always deliver happiness. Yes, opportunities may increase. And, of course, it feels good to be liked. But I’ve seen this need turn into addiction.

I’ve worked with actors whose self-esteem is inextricably tied to their public’s adulation — certain suicide for self esteem. Also without exceeding discrimination, mass popularity can lead to confusion and defeat. One patient, a drop-dead-gorgeous model, can’t get from the parking garage to my office without a guy coming on to her. This woman has a seeming jackpot of romantic options, but still keeps choosing the most horrifyingly flawed men, a destructive pattern that brought her to see me.

Energy doesn’t simply have an on-off switch. Just as a radio emission has a volume control, you can adjust your vibes. You can amp them up with some people and tone them down with others. 



Is your customer smarter than you?

I just read a blog post entitled The Sales Pitch is Dead by Geoffrey James.  Click here for the full post: http://tinyurl.com/mcxjhw  It contains wisdom about how to keep an open mind and encourage real dialog with your customers.

Consider that your prospective customer might know something that you don’t know.  After all, you certainly want them feel that way about you, right? 

Consider that your prospect has good reason for doing things the way they’ve been doing them.  Ask about that and you’ll learn what’s important to them.  This doesn’t negate the possibility that you might have a better alternative, but it will encourage them to engage in dialog with you if you sincerely show that you stand to learn something from them.

Who doesn’t want to feel validated?  Always assume you can learn something from your customer.  It will guide you to the right language, approach, attitude and will do much to establish rapport.

Be irresistable.  Humility works.

What are you waiting for?

Inertia won’t make you rich.  As obvious as that sounds, how often do you find yourself delaying action until you research a little more, analyze a bit longer, fret some more and other things we do to psyche ourselves into procrastination because we are afraid of not achieving perfection.

There’s always more time for research.  There’s always plenty to worry about.  But there’s no substitute for action.  And there’s no lesson like practical experience.

If you are learning something new, you can’t do it by reading about it.  You can only learn so much by watching someone else do it.  At some point you simply have to jump in and give it a go.

You won’t know all the answers.  You’ll probably stumble a little until you get more practice.  But that will only make you seem more human to your audience. 

Put yourself out there.  Whether an inside sales call, outside appointment, speaking engagement, job interview…whatever. 

What are you waiting for?

Seek Objections Thoughtfully

Today I was reminded of a very basic closing technique…so basic it can be frequently forgotten.  While visiting a membership based networking group, as a prospective member, all guests were asked “Is there anything preventing you from activating your membership with this group now?”

This question was asked after guests were treated to a complimentary breakfast and a structured program of intentional networking activities that created new connections in a very nurturing environment.  It was evident that everyone in attendance received tangible benefits by participating today.

Because the group was small, less than 10 people, this question could be asked of everyone quite directly and it was rather impossible to avoid answering.  Out of appreciation to the host, I offered my only hesitation in joining and this led to a one on one discussion where my concern was directly addressed.

Remember, you never know what someone is thinking unless you ask.  Most people don’t like selling; most people don’t like to be sold.  However, people do like to help others and you cannot offer help unless you ask the right questions to uncover the needs that may not be obvious.

Just remember to ask.

Never leave home without it…your Nametag

How many times have you found yourself all psyched up and ready to network, dressed the part, good hair day and all that, only to find that no name tags were provided at the check in table?

Oh no big deal…except try to work a room that is busy with conversation, musical accompaniment, drink orders abounding and you have to ask the person you are talking to to repeat their name two or more times? 

Make the time and effort to always have a name tag for yourself.  Get the plastic sleeve that you can slip in a paper that you’ve printed your name on in BIG letters so it can be read easily.  Store it in your car so you will always have it with you when you attend a networking opportunity.  I also keep one in my briefcase and another one floats from purse to purse.

Another advantage to a sturdy name tag is that if sticky tags are provided, you will stand out in a crowd with your permanent version.  People will take you seriously.  If you are in career transition, if you are seeking new business opportunities, regardless, don’t you want to create a professional impression in any circumstance?